Notice the best, not the threats

We're wired to notice what's wrong. It's not a character flaw; it's biology. The brain's threat-detection system is always on, scanning for danger, cataloging problems, bracing for impact. And while that instinct has kept the species alive, it's a lousy way to move through an ordinary Tuesday.

Therapist Deb Dana introduced a word worth keeping: glimmer. Coined in her 2018 work on polyvagal theory, it's the opposite of a trigger. A glimmer is a small, often fleeting moment that sparks a sense of safety, warmth, or connection. One of your dogs dropping a head in your lap without being asked. The first warm day after a long winter. A song that finds you at exactly the right moment. These aren't grand, life-altering experiences. That's the point.

Dana's insight is rooted in neuroscience: the nervous system can be gently coaxed toward regulation through repeated, low-grade positive cues. We don't heal in sweeping gestures. We shift in increments, one small signal at a time.

The practice, then, isn't positive thinking. It's attentional training. It's asking yourself, more than once a day: what's actually here right now? Not to ignore what's hard. But to stop letting the hard drown out everything else.

Most of us have spent years getting very good at spotting what's broken. We can learn to be equally skilled at noticing what holds.

Start small. Stay open. Let the glimmers in.